YEAH TOAST!!


Turbo Nose Hair Clippers

Being fiscally conservative, my friend, is what I'm all about
Squeeze a dollar so hard, make George's wooden teeth pop out

But something happens to me when I step onto a plane
And I open up that SkyMall magazine
My [head] starts a-spinnin', and my heart it skips a beat
As I reach for the phone stuck in the back of the seat

I bought a (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Fifty-nine dollars (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Shipping and handling (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Platinum finish (Turbo nose hair clipper)

Well, maybe it's vertigo, or maybe claustrophobia
Thirty thousand feet of air pressure on my frontal lobia

My eardrums squeeze and it muffles out the sound
And I start to think about buying stuff I wouldn't look at on the ground
The night-vision goggles, the electric muscle-twitcher
And even that computerized cat-turd sifter

I bought a (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Fifty-nine dollars (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Six thousand RPM (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Dual headlamp (Turbo nose hair clipper)

To be honest with you, nose hairs haven't been a big deal for me
They aren't flourishing like fescue on a bag of Weed 'n' Feed

When the package first arrived, I thought "What a fool am I!"
Then I opened up the box and I gave that thing a try
It clipped, and it cut, and it was so goldang easy
And I must admit my nostrils have never been more sexy

It's a (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Dual headlamp (Turbo nose hair clipper)
Platinum finish (Turbo nose hair clipper)
They also make 'em in titanium (Turbo nose hair clipper)
That's a hundred and ten dollars (Turbo nose hair clipper)
You have to be a idiot to buy that thing (Turbo nose hair clipper)
I'm flying to Cleveland next week (Turbo nose hair clipper)
I'll show it to you when I get back (Turbo nose hair clipper)

Album: Pretending I'm Not Home


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