Toenails

Liza decided to cut her toenails
They were unusually long and thick
First they had sliced right through her sneakers
Then they had caused poor Liza to trip

Normally Liza would bite her toenails
But in the grocery it was unladylike
So she got herself some big bolt-cutters
4800 PSI

Ping-
One punctured the poodle
Ping-
One impaled the parrot
Ping-
One perforated
The space and time continuum

She had to let go of her dreams of childhood
To take up that ballerina trade
'Cause when she spun while doing a toe-dance
She'd bore a hole right through the stage

Well long toenails can come in handy
If lawn aeration is your goal
Or you can sculpt those topiaries
Like Edward Scissortoes

Ping-
One punctured the poodle
Ping-
One impaled the parrot
Ping-
One perforated
The space and time continuum

This little piggy left
Took up the corporate life
This little piggy had roast beef and gravy
That he had to cut with a toenail knife
This little piggy saved
Up all his toenails then
In the coffee grinder ground them into powder
To sell as rhinoceros horn in Japan

Album: difErnt

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